Dear Alise and Jeremy,
As we have previously discussed, I will be arriving for my stay with you guys on Monday, March 15th. I trust that you have everything ready for my arrival, but wanted to remind you of the following.
* I will arrive naked. I will not bring any clothes with me. Please ensure that clothes are provided.
* I do not speak your language. I shall make attempts to learn, but this will take some time. Until that point, I shall communicate to you in shrieks and cries. Learn what each mean, it'll benefit us both.
* I will be hungry, often. I prefer homemade food, ifyaknowwhatImean.
* I do not care to fit into your schedules. I will wake when I want to, eat when I desire, and sleep when I am sleepy. Clocks, appointments, and your sanity mean nothing to me.
* Please clean me. And please change me. When you change me, clean me too. When you've just changed me, prepare to change me again. I cannot control what goes on down there and frankly have no desire to learn right now.
* I really like things that rattle. They bring out the ultra-cute animal in me.
* Please arrange for me to be monitored at all times. Even when asleep. Listen to me while I sleep, and watch me when I'm awake. At times, both listen and watch. Worry about me constantly, if you don't mind; and never leave me alone with Coco.
* I have no money. I shall pay you in smiles and possibly giggles. You cannot resell these.
* I shall not stay for long, only around 20 years or so. At this point you will help me to find somewhere else to live, and keep my room open for return visits.
* There better be monkeys in my room.
I'm sure that if the above is adhered to, we'll have a smashing time together.
With love,
Boy.
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