Tonight, I'm Scottish

Tonight, I'm doing something that most people would consider a little crazy. I'm forcing myself to stay awake, so that I can watch the Australian Tennis Open Men's Final, between Roger Federer (boo!) and Andy Murray (yay!!).

Alise thinks I'm nutso. I think this is basically for two reasons.

1) She really isn't a big sports fan.

She enjoys sports, she shows an interest in sports, but she isn't fanatical. This really isn't a bad thing; in fact its probably a good thing. Being a sports fan can be a curse that you live with for life, and the overpaid idiots that you support often end up sucking more and more as your life progresses. My football (soccer) team, Nottingham Forest, for years developed new and interesting ways to suck even more than they had the season before, yet still I love them, for I am an addict.

2) Alise is American, and I don't think she understands.

Now, let me explain. You see, I'm British. British people, quite simply; suck at sports. There are 4 major tennis tournaments played each year, but a British man hasn't won one for 74 years. 74 years! Do you know how many Americans have won in that time? A shit-ton. The Brits, despite the fact that one of the tournaments is in their own bloody country and played on grass, which no-one else does anymore, historically suck at tennis. We're awful, we're terrible, most of the British top 10 serve underarm and are allowed to let the ball bounce twice before trying to hit it back.

We don't just suck at tennis. We invented a lot of sports, we export them to other countries, and are soundly beaten every time we play. Cricket matches against Australia usually end in our tears. We lose rugby games against the likes of New Zealand by horrific scorelines, our football (soccer) team hasn't won the World Cup since 1966, and only won it then when it was held in England and we benefited from some very dodgy refereeing in the final. We suck, we know we suck, everyone else knows we suck.

But sometimes... sometimes someone comes along to give us hope. To give us the opportunity to climb a very small stepladder and shout at the tops of our very muted voices 'Hey! America! Sure you always win the Olympics, sure you have Lance Armstrong, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods (still the best golfer, admit it), Pete Sampras, Carl Lewis and Muhammed Ali, but we have Caroline Smithwickson, the greatest lawn bowls champion this side of Swindon! Rejoice!'

So tonight, I'm Scottish, and remembering that Scotland, despite it's wishes, is a part of the same Great Britain that I'm from. Andy Murray is a terribly talented tennis player and has a chance to end 74 years of hurt. I'll be watching Andy, I'll be cheering.