'Do you see what you've done to me?'

There I was, enjoying my evening when Alise looked up from her laptop to deliver this bombshell.
'Do you see what you've done to me?'
'What are you talking about my sweet, beautiful princess?' I said. Roughly. At least that's how I'm choosing to recall this conversation.
'My boobs are all weird. They're bigger'
I confess at this point to mentally high five-ing myself. There was of course a cloud to which this delightful silver lining could frame. A smelly, turbulent cloud.
'And I'm really gassy'.
'Gassy?' I asked before realizing quickly what she meant.
'Burps and farts', she TMI'd. 'Almost non stop'.
'Well that's what I've been doing for the last 31 years' I reasoned. 'Doesn't make it my fault'.

Apparently burps and farts are an early side effect of pregnancy. I had not known this. Now not only do I know this, but Alise knows, the cats know, the mice know and Coco the dog has someone to blame when I'm not around for her own indiscretions.

In all honesty, the gas from Alise isn't all that bad at all. Net fartage from her is still only at about 10% of the level that I produce on any average day, and I haven't even smelled anything bad yet. I'm really just putting this on record so that I can point to something tangible when I'm attempting, and likely failing, to shift the blame for a stinker.